"The Weight Underneath Mothers Day"

Mother's Day is coming up this weekend. And I just want to check in with you about that — because I think it can bring up a lot more than we expect it to.

When you think about it, what's the first feeling that comes up for you?

For some mums, it's something they're genuinely looking forward to. But for a lot of the women I work with… it's not that simple.

There's something that sits just underneath the surface. Not loud. Not dramatic. Just there. A quiet dread, maybe. Questions you haven't quite said out loud yet.

Who's going to be there. Who's not. Whether it's going to feel okay… or whether you'll spend the whole day managing everyone and come out the other side exhausted.

You're holding something much bigger than a day

This weekend often isn't really just about planning a nice day. You're holding a whole family system that doesn't quite fit together easily anymore. And you're trying to make something feel normal… when underneath, it isn't.

For a lot of mums, the complexity isn't just about one relationship. It's about what's happening between your children. And that's the part that can feel really hard to talk about.

Maybe one of them doesn't want to be around the other. Or they'll only come if the other one isn't there. Or they show up and they're polite… but it's strained. You can feel it.

And you're sitting in the middle of it. Loving both of them. Understanding both of them. And not being able to bring it back together.

There's a moment a lot of mums recognise — where it starts to feel like no matter what I do here, someone is going to hurt. If I bring everyone together, something feels off. If I don't, someone feels left out. And there just isn't a version of this that feels clean.

The quieter loss that nobody talks about

And then underneath all of that… there's often something even quieter.

Just this low-level sense of things not being how you thought they would be. The kind of family moments you imagined. The ease you assumed would just be there. Everyone being able to be together without it feeling complicated.

And when that's not there… it lands as a kind of loss. Even though no one is gone. Even though on the surface, everything still looks like it should be fine.

There's no real space to talk about that. No easy way to name it. So it just gets carried. Quietly. Underneath everything else.

And then a day like Mother's Day comes along… and it sits right on top of all of it.

The pressure to get it right

So you're trying to work out what to do. Do you bring people together? Keep things separate? Try to make it feel normal? Avoid the whole thing altogether?

And underneath those questions, there's often this pressure. Don't get it wrong. Don't make it worse. Don't hurt anyone. Somehow hold it all together.

I want to offer you something here, gently.

You're not actually in control of how this day unfolds for everyone. You're not in control of how your children feel about each other. You're not in control of who shows up, or how they behave when they do.

And I know that's not comforting. Of course you want it to be okay. But trying to carry responsibility for all of that is a weight that will quietly wear you down.

A steadier question to come back to

Instead of asking how do I make this work for everyone… what if the steadier question was — how do I want to be in this?

Because those are two very different places to stand.

One puts you in charge of everyone else's experience. The other brings you back to something you actually have some influence over. Yourself.

That might look like letting go of trying to make it perfect. Letting go of the idea that everyone needs to be together for it to count. Letting go of carrying everyone else's feelings as though they're yours to fix.

And just coming back to — how do I want to speak today. How do I want to respond. What do I want to say yes to. What do I want to gently say no to.

You still get to choose how you stand in it

This day might not look how you hoped. There might be parts that feel good, and parts that don't. There might be someone missing. There might be tension. There might just be that quiet sense of things not being what they used to be.

And that's not something you need to solve this weekend. It's just something that's here.

And in the middle of that… you still get to choose something. You still get to choose how you stand in it. Not perfectly. Not without feeling it. But with a little bit of steadiness underneath you.

So if you find yourself in one of those moments where it doesn't feel how you wish it did… just come back to something simple.

Not what should I do. Not how do I fix this.

Just… how do I want to stand here?

And let that be enough, for now.

Before I go, I want to leave you with something to sit with. Not something to figure out. Just something to notice.

As you move into the weekend, see if you can catch those moments where you feel pulled. Pulled to fix something. Pulled to smooth things over. Pulled to make it okay for everyone.

And instead of going straight into that… just pause, even for a second. And notice what's underneath that pull.

Because sometimes it's care. Sometimes it's fear. Sometimes it's just the part of you that's been trying to hold everything together for a long time.

You don't need to change it. You don't need to get it right.

Just… notice it.

Because that's often where things start to shift. Not in what you do… but in seeing what's driving you when you do it.

If this is something you're sitting with… I'd love to hear from you [email protected]

Until next time, take care.