For mums whose child is struggling with addiction or mental health
Stay connected to your child โ
without losing yourself
in the process.
You've tried stepping in. You've tried stepping back. But the exhaustion doesn't go away. The guilt doesn't lift. And you're still carrying this alone.
There's another way.
A structured program. Live weekly calls, a small group of mums who get it, and Sandra in it with you.
Join Beyond the Chaos$67 NZD / month ยท Cancel anytime
Not
Tough love.
Detachment.
Rock bottom.
Not
Keep trying to save them.
Fix them.
Hold it all together.
Instead
Stay connected.
Build steadiness.
Stop losing yourself.
I know what it's like to be exhausted in a way that doesn't go away. To believe you should have done something differently. And to feel utterly alone in it.
You can still see your child underneath everything that's happening. Who they are. Who they were. Who they might still become. And walking away from that โ detaching, stepping back, letting them hit rock bottom โ it was never going to work. Not because of who you are. Because of what it is to be a mother.
But staying in it the way you have been โ the constant checking, the anticipating, the losing yourself inside their crisis โ that isn't working either.
There is another way. Not colder. Not harder. But steadier. And that steadiness changes the relationship in ways force and panic never could. That's what the work here is about.
The loneliness lifts
Not because the situation changes. But because for the first time you're in a room with women who know exactly what this costs. Who don't need it explained. Who don't flinch.
You start to see yourself clearly
Not just the situation โ yourself inside it. What's been driving you. What's been keeping you stuck. What's actually yours to hold, and what isn't.
You build real skills
Not scripts to memorise. Tools that become embedded in how you move through this. So when the hard moment comes, something different is actually available to you. She stops spending three days inside a conversation that lasted three minutes. She can say no without the guilt unravelling her for a week. She ends a hard call and goes back to what she was doing.
Something between you changes
Not because your child has changed. But because you have. The way you walk into the hard moments โ steadier, less driven by fear โ they feel that. Conversations that used to escalate start to go somewhere different. The connection you were so afraid of losing starts to come back. Not because you found the right words. Because something in the room changed when you did.
Still in it. Still feeling it. But different inside it.
"From lost, scared, reeling, unsteady โ to the opposite of all that. It's not easy but I am taking the theory and putting it into practice, the best I can. I am almost accepting of where we are and I realise what is mine to hold. I still get sad and frustrated but I still have hope."
Member, Beyond the Chaos
"I felt panicked inside โ but I maintained my composure. I created a bit of space before his call and it made all the difference."
Member, Beyond the Chaos
"I had lost myself in all that had gone on the last few years โ and in the last few weeks with your lessons and reflections and meetings, I have started to find glimmers of my old self and have been learning to ground myself again."
Member, Beyond the Chaos
"I've learned techniques to respond to unjustified criticism โ to prevent escalation rather than be pulled further in. The changes have been profound. Not dramatic. Subtle. Deeply meaningful."
Member, Beyond the Chaos
"This journey at times feels insurmountable โ but with the support of this group, a little easier. A little less lonely."
Member, Beyond the Chaos
Inside Beyond the Chaos
Weekly Group Coaching Calls
Live every week. Bring what's actually happening. Work through it together โ with Sandra and the group in real time.
A Structured Path
Bite-sized lessons across six stages โ from understanding yourself to building boundaries that hold. At your own pace, revisited as often as you need.
Weekly Podcast
Real conversations about what it's actually like to love a child through this. Not polished. Not distant. Something to come back to in the hard moments.
A Community Who Gets It
Women who know exactly what this costs. Who don't need it explained. Where you can finally say the things you can't say anywhere else.
A Conversation with Sandra
Whenever you're ready โ a private conversation, just you and Sandra. So she understands where you are from the start.
Direct Access to Sandra
When something comes up that needs more than the group can hold โ you can reach her directly.
$67 NZD / month ยท Cancel anytime ยท No lock in
The Ground Beneath the Chaos
When you join Beyond the Chaos, you begin with the Ground Beneath the Chaos โ a six-week supported entry into the full program. Six live calls, the same small group every week, starting together.
What we cover โ week by weekWeek one
Why you keep getting pulled in
What's been happening in your body. The nervous system under chronic stress โ the hypervigilance, the bracing, the high alert that has started to feel normal. Understanding this changes something. Many mums say this week alone shifts how they see everything that's happened so far.
Week two
You are not the problem
Why the overchecking, the rescuing, the losing yourself makes complete sense. The shame starts to lift when you understand that what you've been doing was a completely human response to something genuinely hard. That frees up something that has been locked down for a long time.
Week three
What's actually happening for your child
What addiction and mental health really are โ behaviour as communication, not choice. Not to excuse. Not to enable. But to see what's actually underneath. Clarity here doesn't make things easier. But it makes them less consuming.
Week four
Change, ambivalence, and what progress really looks like
Why change is rarely a decision โ it's a process. Messy, non-linear, full of ambivalence and false starts. Understanding where your child actually is in that process โ and why pressure so rarely moves it forward โ changes what you stop expecting. And what you stop carrying.
Week five
The myth of control
What is actually yours to hold โ and what belongs to your child. This is the pivot. You've been carrying things that were never yours. When that becomes clear, something lifts. Not detachment. Not giving up. The beginning of knowing where you end and they begin.
Week six
Who you are now, and what you're taking forward
Integration โ what steadiness looks like in practice, and what the full Beyond the Chaos path holds next. You arrived lost. You leave with the ground beneath you.
Door closes Monday 22 June at 12pm NZT
$67 NZD per month ยท No lock in ยท Cancel anytime
About Sandra
My son struggles with addiction and lives with a brain injury. I built this because it's what I needed.
I'm based in New Zealand and I work with mums across NZ and Australia who are navigating exactly what I was navigating then. A child who is struggling with addiction, mental health, or both. And a mother trying to hold onto them without losing herself in the process.
I'm a trained mental health coach with specialist training in addiction, behaviour change, and evidence-based approaches to supporting families โ including CRAFT, one of the most well-researched approaches that exists for families in this situation. CRAFT is built on the same foundation as everything I do here: connection and steadiness are where real influence begins, not pressure or detachment.
But what I hear most from the mums I work with isn't that I'm qualified. It's that they don't have to explain themselves here. That they finally feel understood by someone who has actually been in it.
There is another way to stand in this relationship. Not colder. Not further away. But steadier. Connected without being consumed. Present without being lost. That's what Beyond the Chaos is built around.
If something is still holding you back
I don't think it's the cost. Or the timing. I think it's something quieter than that.
What if I do this โ and nothing changes?
What if I show up, do the work, and six months from now I'm still in the same place. Still reacting. Still losing myself. Still watching my child and not knowing how to help.
That fear makes sense. You've tried things. They haven't worked. Your scepticism has been earned.
I can't promise it will be different. Nobody can. But every mum who has found her way to steadiness inside Beyond the Chaos arrived exactly where you are now. Sceptical. Exhausted. Wondering if one more thing was worth the risk.
Not one of them got there by finding the perfect words to say to their child. They got there by coming back to themselves โ again and again, in the small moments between the hard ones.
A few questions
I've tried a lot of things. What makes this different?
Most approaches ask you to choose โ love them harder, or step back completely. Beyond the Chaos doesn't. The work here is on you, not your child โ not as a consolation prize, but because that's where real influence actually lives. And unlike a book or a podcast, you have live weekly calls, a small group, and Sandra with you as you practice.
I'm not sure I have the time or energy for this.
The mums who get the most from Beyond the Chaos are often the ones who felt exactly this way when they joined. The calls are 60 minutes, once a week. The lessons are bite-sized. You don't need to do this perfectly โ you just need to show up.
My situation is complicated. Will this still work for me?
Yes. Beyond the Chaos is for mums navigating addiction, mental health, or both โ across all ages, all stages, and all kinds of complexity. The work starts with you, which means it's relevant regardless of where your child is right now.
What if I join and it's not right for me?
You can cancel anytime, no questions asked. And if you'd like to talk it through first, you can book a private conversation with Sandra before joining.
Is this only for addiction, or does it cover mental health too?
Both. Beyond the Chaos exists for mums who love a child struggling with addiction, mental health, or the intersection of the two. You'll find yourself understood here, whatever the specifics of your situation.
I'm in Australia โ does this work for me?
Yes. The calls run at 8am AEST on Tuesdays, and Beyond the Chaos has members across New Zealand and Australia.
The door is open.
There is another way to stand in this relationship. One that doesn't ask you to stop loving your child โ or disappear yourself in the process. That's what Beyond the Chaos is built on.
Join Beyond the Chaos$67 NZD per month ยท Cancel anytime ยท No questions asked
