Introducing
Living Beyond the Chaos
The online membership for mums whose child is struggling with addiction or mental health, to help you respond instead of react so you can stay connected to your child without losing yourself in the process.
Doors are closed for now and they're opening again soon. Put your name down and you'll hear from me by email.
If you're a mum who lies awake waiting for the phone to ring, or a mum who keeps going over what she might have done wrong, and you find yourself saying "I don't know what to do" or "I can't just give up on him" - this is for you.
"I had lost myself in all that had gone on the last few years and in the last few weeks with your lessons and reflections and meetings, I have started to find glimmers of my old self and have been learning to ground myself again."
A member of Living Beyond the Chaos
The plain truth: when your child is struggling with addiction or mental health, the advice I found, and the advice so many mums tell me they hear, is tough love, rock bottom and stepping back, and none of it sits right with a mum who isn't going to walk away from her child, which makes staying connected without losing yourself the thing that matters most right now.
In fact, staying connected to your child without losing yourself is the answer to the question so many mums are left asking, which is how you keep loving someone through this without it taking everything you have.
And if that wasn't reason enough to pay attention...
- There is no reliable rock bottom, and plenty of people go a very long way down without anything changing, so waiting for one is a lot to ask of any mum.
- The words enabling and codependency carry a great deal of shame, and what sits behind most of the things mums have tried is love, fear and a need to do something so you don't feel powerless.
- A boundary that comes from what you need and what matters to you is one you can actually hold, even when the pushback comes.
- Steadiness and connection are far more likely to open a door with your child than pressure ever is.
- And all in all, you get to respond instead of react, keep loving your child, and still have a life of your own, whatever happens with their story.
But there's a loneliness in this that nobody around you can quite reach, because no one else can possibly understand what it's like to be living it, and it's taking everything you have to stay close to your child while you carry it on your own...
Right now you might be lying awake at night waiting for the phone to ring, going over and over what you did wrong and wondering whether it was something you said or something you missed.
And:
- You might be stuck at the kitchen bench with your phone in your hand, trying to decide whether to text or leave it, because you don't want to nag and you don't want to stay silent either, and you never know which one is going to make it worse.
- You might be googling at midnight and reading one more article that says let him hit rock bottom, and knowing you can't do that, because you're his mum. And really wanting to find something that fits who you are but being unable to, because everything out there is tough love, detaching, enabling and codependency.
- And really wanting to feel understood but being unable to, because you can sit with people who love you and feel that none of them can possibly get it, and the people who haven't lived it have advice, so most days you say you're fine.
And all this?
Has probably got you feeling so tired, and so completely alone in it.
And not able to stay connected to your child the way you want to, or to feel like yourself again.
Or even worse? Another year goes by of walking on eggshells, of wondering whether the next call is the one you're dreading, and of losing a bit more of yourself every time.
But as someone who was once in your shoes, I can tell you there is another way.
What if there was a way to stay connected to your child without losing yourself in the process, plus be in a room with other mums who understand exactly what this is like?
I know the waiting, the googling and the lying awake, because I lived it. Around 2015, when my grandson was born, things changed with my son, and when I found out drugs were involved the only advice I could find was tough love, rock bottom and detaching. Another mum told me I had to let him hit rock bottom and it felt like a lifeline, because being tough felt better than feeling helpless, so I tried standing my ground and it made things worse for both of us. I lived on high alert, I stopped doing anything for myself, and by 2017 I didn't recognise who I'd become.
Until wanting to feel like me again took me into health coaching, and later mental health coaching, and I trained in CRAFT, as a certified Invitation to Change practitioner, and in ACT. What I learned is what I wish someone had told me back then, that there is another way, because we don't have to wait for rock bottom and we don't have to lose ourselves while we stay connected to and support our kids. I've put all of it into See, Stand, Stay, Live, inside Living Beyond the Chaos, and I started Beyond the Chaos in April 2025 so other mums would know they're not alone, and I'm here to pass it on to you.
And since I started sharing it?
- Mums tell me they've started to find glimmers of their old self.
- They tell me they have really changed the way they speak with their child.
- They tell me they can feel panicked inside and still keep their composure.
And the best part? Mums who were sure no one else could possibly understand find a room full of women who do, and as one member put it, it can feel insurmountable at times, but with the group it's a little easier and a little less lonely... and I believe that can happen for you too.
Here are the four parts that make Living Beyond the Chaos something you can reach for on any day, in whatever order suits where you are right now:
See: yourself and the situation clearly
You start to understand what has been happening in your body and in your mind, what might be going on underneath for your child, and the grief that so few people name out loud. The chaos starts to have a shape, and a lot of it stops feeling quite so personal.
Stand: differently in the relationship
You find ways of listening and talking that don't set off a fight, you learn when a conversation has a chance and when it's kinder to wait, and you set boundaries that come from what you need rather than from trying to make your child change. Changing how you show up is the part that's yours, and you are far from powerless in it.
Stay: with yourself when it's hard
You learn to catch the moment before the reaction, to be kind to yourself after a hard one, and to come back to what matters to you, again and again. It's where you work out what's yours to hold and what isn't, so you stop carrying all of it.
Live: your life, all of it
You make room for the parts of you that went quiet, for the people around you and for the ordinary good moments, without waiting for your child to be okay first. Their life can be theirs, and yours can be yours too.
And I have taken all of this, my own experience, my training and what I've seen help mums in the room, and poured it into Living Beyond the Chaos so you can stay connected to your child, all without losing yourself. There's nothing to finish and no order to follow, and some weeks you'll need Stand while other weeks you'll need Live, so it's all there, all the time.
Imagine how it will feel...
To go from this
To this
Lying awake at night waiting for the phone to ring, and bracing every time it buzzes...
Hearing the phone ring and feeling your chest tighten, and being able to take a breath, feel your feet on the floor and answer as the steadier version of you...
Standing at the kitchen bench with your phone in your hand, not knowing whether to text or leave it, because you don't want to nag and you don't want to stay silent...
Saying one honest thing to your child at a moment that suits, listening to the end without jumping in, and feeling like the kind of mum you want to be afterwards...
Sitting with people who love you and feeling that none of them can possibly get it...
Being on a call with mums who nod because they have lived it too, with your camera off if you like and nothing to explain...
Cancelling plans because you haven't got it in you, and not quite remembering what you used to look forward to...
Going for the morning walk you stopped, or meeting a friend for coffee just because, and living a life that matters whatever is happening with your child, with glimmers of the woman you were before all of this coming back...
If this sounds like what you've been wanting, then...
"From lost, scared, reeling, unsteady - to the opposite of all that. It's not easy but I am taking the theory and putting it into practice, the best I can. I am almost accepting of where we are and I realise what is mine to hold. I still get sad and frustrated but I still have hope."
A member of Living Beyond the Chaos
You're invited to
Living Beyond the Chaos
Say goodbye to carrying this on your own and say hello to a room of mums who understand, with weekly calls, a members' podcast and a program you can reach for on any day, so you always have somewhere to bring it and a way to stay connected to your child without losing yourself.
Doors are closed for now, and putting your name down is how you'll hear from me when they open.
Here's what's inside...
Start Here
Say goodbye to wondering where to begin.
Start Here is here to support you with five short pieces, plus a guided audio you can keep on your phone, allowing you to find your feet in your first week without having to take it all in at once.
Inside you're getting:
- A welcome from me, so you know who is on the other side and that nobody here will judge you for anything you've tried.
- A walk through how everything works, the calls, the podcast and the community, so you know where to go and when.
- One thing for right now, a guided dropping anchor audio that takes a minute or two, so you have something to reach for on a hard day.
- A short video called You are not the problem, so you can put down some of the weight of where did I go wrong.
- A page on where to go next, so there's no right order and no pressure.
Your welcome call with me
Value: $120
Say goodbye to wondering whether this is the right place for you.
Your welcome call is here to support you with a 60 minute call with me, just the two of us, allowing you to tell me where you are and what would help you most right now.
Inside you're getting:
- A 60 minute one-to-one call with me, free when you join, so I can get to know you and where you are.
- A few questions when you book, so I can prepare, and you can answer as much or as little as you like.
- Room to just talk if you'd rather, so there's no wrong way to use the hour.
The calls
Say goodbye to working it all out on your own.
The calls are here to support you with a weekly group coaching call in the evening, New Zealand time, where we take the week's episode and work through it together, and a weekly Q&A call, allowing you to bring what's happening this week to women who know.
Inside you're getting:
- A weekly group coaching call where we pick up the week's episode and work through it together, so you can put it into practice with support and hear how other mums are handling theirs.
- A weekly Q&A call, so you can ask whatever has been sitting with you, from the podcast, the coaching calls or just life.
- Camera off if you like, and you're welcome to just listen, so you can come as you are on a hard week.
Living Beyond the Chaos, the members' podcast
Say goodbye to the long stretch between calls with nothing to hold on to.
The podcast is here to support you with a new episode every week, shaped by where the mums in the room are right now, plus a short audio each week about the calls with the personal details left out, allowing you to listen in the car, on a walk or with a cup of tea and arrive at the call with something to think about.
Inside you're getting:
- A new members-only episode every week, shaped by what members are going through, so what you hear fits where you actually are.
- A weekly audio about the calls with personal details left out, so you don't miss what came up if you couldn't be there.
- The episodes in whichever podcast app you like best, so it fits into your day.
The community
Say goodbye to feeling like no one else can possibly get it.
The community is here to support you with a private space in Kajabi, not Facebook, plus the chance to message me directly, allowing you to ask a question, share what's going on or just read along until you're ready.
Inside you're getting:
- A private space with other mums who know what this is like, so nobody has to explain or justify anything.
- Guidelines built around kindness and privacy, so what's shared there stays there.
- A direct message to me, so help is never far away.
See, Stand, Stay, Live
Say goodbye to not knowing what to do next.
See, Stand, Stay, Live is here to support you with four parts and more than thirty lessons, plus a dropping anchor audio you can keep on your phone, allowing you to go to the part that fits where you are this week.
Inside you're getting:
- See, Stand, Stay and Live, each with its own lessons, so you can go to whichever fits where you are right now.
- A video, an audio version and the words to read with every lesson, so you can watch, listen on a walk or read.
- One small thing to try each week, so none of it feels like homework.
- Nothing to finish and no order to follow, so it's there on the weeks you can't do more.
Everything you've just read is $67 per month when doors open, and that includes your free 60 minute welcome call with me.
There's nothing to pay today. Put your name down and you'll hear from me by email as soon as we're open again.
Doors are closed for now. Putting your name down is free and doesn't commit you to anything. Cancel anytime by email once you're a member.
You don't have to take my word for it, so here's what members have said about Living Beyond the Chaos:
Support that hit the spot after counsellors and psychologists
"I have felt like I've been drowning forever. I've gone to counsellors, I've gone to psychologists. I've tried lots of avenues to try to get the support that I have needed. None of them have hit the spot like this has."
A member of Living Beyond the Chaos
A different way of speaking with him
"I have really changed the way I speak with him."
A member of Living Beyond the Chaos
A strong feeling of never wanting to be unkind to myself again
"When the call finished I had a very strong feeling that I don't ever want to be unkind to myself again, it felt like it was coming from a very deep place."
A member of Living Beyond the Chaos
Thinking about what I need to stay strong for all of my children
"It was the first time for a very long time that I had sat and thought about what I need to stay strong for all of my children - not only the one with an addiction and mental health issues."
A member of Living Beyond the Chaos
Peace and hope, regardless of how it looks
"I realise that at any time I could slip back into over reacting but I'm really pleased that at this point my trajectory seems to be in the other direction and this gives me more peace and hope for his recovery regardless of how it looks."
A member of Living Beyond the Chaos
Do you have questions? Here are some answers.
When are doors opening?
Soon. I don't have a date to give you yet and I'm not going to make up a deadline, so putting your name down is how you'll hear from me by email when they do.
How much time do I need?
Nothing here has to be finished and you can't fall behind. Come to the calls when you can, listen to the podcast when it suits you and reach for the program when you need it, because some weeks you'll have room for more and some weeks getting through the day is enough. The last week of every month is a rest week with no calls and no members' podcast, and I take a longer break over Christmas and into January, with no calls but the podcast keeps going.
What do I need to join in?
A phone, tablet or computer with an internet connection. The community is in Kajabi, the calls are on Zoom with the link emailed to you before each one, and the podcast plays in whichever podcast app you like best. The videos have captions, so you can watch with the sound off if that's easier.
How long am I a member for?
For as long as you want to be. It's $67 per month and you can cancel anytime by emailing me.
Will this work if my child doesn't want help, or isn't talking to me?
Living Beyond the Chaos is about how you show up and how you look after yourself, so you don't need your child to be ready for it. Nobody can promise what will happen for your child, and I won't. What changes is you, how you respond, how you look after yourself, and how much less alone you feel in it.
I've tried so many things and nothing has changed. Why would this be different?
You won't be told to step back, wait for rock bottom or detach, and you won't hear the words enabling or codependency here, because they carry so much shame. We start from it makes sense that you got here, and then we look at whether there might be another way. You get tools you can use in your next hard conversation, calls where you can work through the week's episode with other mums, and a program you can come back to whenever you need it.
Do I have to talk on the calls, and is what I share private?
You don't. You can keep your camera off and just listen. The calls are recorded so I have something to come back to, and the recordings are only ever seen by me. The community is a private space built around kindness and privacy, where what's shared stays there.
Why is something this much only $67 per month?
I want support to be as affordable as I can reasonably make it, because the mums who come to me are already carrying a lot. For $67 a month you get the weekly calls, the members' podcast, the community, See, Stand, Stay, Live and a free welcome call with me.
What happens when I put my name down?
You'll land on a thank-you page and I'll send you an email. There's nothing to pay and nothing to commit to. When doors open I'll email you again with how to join, and once you've joined, Start Here is the first thing you'll see, including how to book your welcome call with me.
How can I ask a question that's not here?
Reply to the email I send you after you put your name down and it comes straight to me.
Recap
You get all this when you join:
- Start Here, five short pieces to help you find your feet in your first week
- A free 60 minute welcome call with me, worth $120
- A weekly group coaching call, where we work through the week's episode together
- A weekly Q&A call
- A new members-only podcast episode every week, plus a weekly audio about the calls
- A private community of mums who understand, and a direct line to me
- See, Stand, Stay, Live, with four parts and more than thirty lessons you can come back to whenever you need them
All of this for $67 per month when doors open.
Doors are closed for now. Putting your name down is free and doesn't commit you to anything. Cancel anytime by email once you're a member.