About Sandra
I'm Sandra. I'm a mum, a nana, and I've been exactly where you are.
I live in New Zealand, and I built Beyond the Chaos for mums whose child is struggling with addiction or mental health. It's a place where you can stay connected to your child without losing yourself in the process.
How it started
Around 2015, not long after my grandson was born, things changed with my son, and eventually I found out drugs were involved. The only advice I could find was tough love, wait for rock bottom, detach, and none of it sat right with me, because that's not what mums do. I couldn't find anything that helped me stay close to him, so I became overwhelmed and shut myself away, and I blamed myself for all of it. I lived on high alert, Googling and researching and lying awake at night trying to find the answer, and I stopped doing anything for myself. I used to be someone who looked after her health and her fitness, and that fell away too. By 2017 I didn't recognise who I'd become, and that was probably my lowest point.
Wanting to feel like me again is what led me to health coaching, and later to mental health coaching, which I finished in 2021. That's when I knew this was the work I wanted to do, and I launched Beyond the Chaos in April 2025.
The hardest part of the whole journey was not being able to fix it. What I wish someone had told me back then is that there is another way.
What I stand for
I don't believe in waiting for rock bottom, and I don't believe we should leave our kids to get there alone. We wouldn't do that with any other serious illness, so I don't think we should do it here.
I understand where words like tough love, enabling and codependency came from, but I don't use them, because they carry so much shame and judgement, and mums are already carrying plenty of that.
I think behaviour makes sense, even when it's destructive. When we look underneath it, we can start to understand what's going on, for our child and for ourselves.
A boundary is about what I need, not a punishment for my child. It comes from what matters to me, and it's very different from detaching.
And the mums I work with are not powerless. You can't control what your child chooses, but you are far from helpless in the relationship.
What I'm trained in
I'm a qualified health and mental health coach, a Certified Invitation to Change practitioner, CRAFT informed and trained in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. I use all of it, but mostly what I bring is that I've lived this, and I know how lonely and exhausting it can be.
What others say
"I had lost myself in all that had gone on the last few years and in the last few weeks with your lessons and reflections and meetings, I have started to find glimmers of my old self and have been learning to ground myself again."
A Beyond the Chaos member
"This journey at times feels insurmountable, but with the support of this group, a little easier. A little less lonely."
A Beyond the Chaos member
"I've learned techniques to respond to unjustified criticism, to prevent escalation rather than be pulled further in. The changes have been profound. Not dramatic. Subtle. Deeply meaningful."
A Beyond the Chaos member
Ways to work with me
Wherever you're starting from, there's a way in.
You Are Not Broken
My free guide, for the moment you're in right now.
Journey Beyond the Chaos
My podcast, where I talk honestly about what it's like to love a child through addiction.
When You Don't Know What To Do Anymore
A short workshop to help you get to a decision you can stand behind.
Coming soon
Live: A Life That Matters
The membership, with weekly coaching calls and a community of mums who understand.
1:1 coaching
Private support, just for you.
A note from me
If you've found your way here, you're probably tired in a way that doesn't go away, and you may be wondering if you've done something wrong. You haven't. You're a mum who loves her child, and it makes sense that you're here. You don't need to have it all figured out. You can start with something small, and I'll be here.
Sandra x